


The Most Embarrassing Thing Cecil Has Ever Done, Maybe

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale, wtnv
Genre: Carlos is a Dork, Carlos is a Good Boyfriend, Cecil is a Dork, M/M, Masturbation, Nudity, also the masturbation is not graphically described or anything so don't worry!, cecilos - Freeform, sorry mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4662156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to his tardiness a week earlier, Cecil has to confess to one of his most embarrassing moments as per Station Management's request.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Embarrassing Thing Cecil Has Ever Done, Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write a little thingy! Ahh, I really hope that this is okay, it's my first time writing something like this! (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)
> 
> I feel like I should note in advance that Cecil definitely talked with Carlos about publicly talking about this and that Carlos was okay with it (you'll see why!), and that Cecil didn't do this without warning him! uwo

And now, for something completely unrelated to the news and other things that I am normally reporting about.

Okay, to start this off, I...really don’t want to do this. I do not. I truly do not. But you know how it is, right, listeners? You stay up watching The Room, fall asleep on the couch, and then wake up an hour later sore all over before returning to your bed after feeding the shadows that your house is covered in, which takes like, what, an hour? And then you wake up again half an hour late, and you rush to get yourself ready, and your fringe pants aren’t even properly buttoned when you desperately try to drink your poorly hammered coffee while you’re walking out the door, before your boyfriend sits you down for breakfast and insists you eat it because it’s the scientifically most important meal of the day. 

In other words, I was late for work last Tuesday. Generally, listeners, I have a very good record when it comes to showing up on time. Really, I don’t think I’ve ever showed up to anything late. So as you can imagine, I was a little surprised when Station Management told me, through a series of letters written on rose petals that I found scattered at my feet when I sat down in my booth, that I would need to compensate for being late. Though, I wasn’t sure what they meant exactly with the word “compensate”. The last time I “compensated” for them was arbitrarily, and it involved me dying the tips of my hair green, cutting the tips off, and putting them in a jar of tomato sauce and leaving it for them at their door. And, wow, that was all actually very unfortunate! I would’ve loved to see what else I could’ve worn with neon green hair tips. Ah. Too late now I guess to wonder about how a thing destined to end tragically might hypothetically end up.

So, anyway, I asked Station Management what they want me to do, and I only received a low hiss from their side of the door, and finally the hissing turned into something intelligible, after about ten minutes. They said I could compensate without giving up any of my organic essence by admitting to something embarrassing I’ve done recently. Now, look, I think everyone has allowed themselves to purposely forget things, either by simply shoving something out of their mind or, by consent or random selection, having the Sheriff’s Secret Police wipe their memories of embarrassing events. So it was a little hard for me to think of what embarrassing event to decide to share with you. All of you. Station Management also added that it had to be something mortifying. They said it had to be mortifying, or else I’d be giving up more than just an embarrassing secret. And, you know, I thought about it for a while; all the awkward times I wore the wrong clothes or forgot to lock my car or slipped somewhere it was illegal to slip, but I think I’ve finally found an instance that was extremely embarrassing for me, and I think Station Management will be pleased with it. Also, they’re um, thrashing about in their office right now and growling in a very deep voice, and ah, slamming against the walls, so I think I should probably get on with it. 

A few months ago, I got back from the Ralph’s and didn’t see Carlos anywhere within the house. Of course, I knew he was home, because it was a Sunday and also because it was past five, around the time he usually came home. He also texted me a bunch of times to get cranberries, and he used that really cute waving dog emoji, the one with the hearts around it. That emoji is seriously so cute, I don’t know where he found it but it is just the cutest thing, especially when he uses it. I was seriously confused when I got home and didn’t find him anywhere. I checked the bathroom downstairs and the living room, and found him nowhere. As you might imagine, listeners, I was terrified something terrible happened. Terrified Carlos had been swallowed by a mouth that suddenly appeared in the floor, or that another steamroller suddenly appeared out of nowhere and crushed him. 

I called Carlos’ name several times, hoping he would hear me from underneath the steamroller he was potentially trapped under. As I made my way upstairs, I at long last heard the reply of my lovely Carlos from the upstairs bathroom. I can’t tell you how relieved I was, listeners! After a week of reporting on holes swallowing people and steamrollers falling on unsuspecting victims, I was so glad that Carlos was alright! I was really very excited, and I just couldn’t help myself. My heart almost skipped a beat when I heard Carlos’ reply, and I absolutely had to go hug him and reaffirm that he was in fact there, existing, physically, and alive. 

And. Oh, god. This. This is where it gets embarrassing. 

When I walked into the bathroom, I found Carlos sitting on the floor, without any clothes on, amongst wads of tissue paper and a hand between his legs. He looked at me and I looked at him, and oh, cosmically terrifying gods, it was so awkward. I don’t think either of us were expecting that exact situation to occur, and we just stared at each other for what theoretically could’ve been forever. I was looking right at him, and Carlos just looked at me with his beautiful, pure brown eyes, those eyes that just melt my heart metaphorically and kind of literally, and I just looked at him even more intently. Carlos managed a small and awkward smile and he laughed a bit. And I said. Oh my god. This is so terrible. I said...I said...

Okay, no. No. I’m not doing this. This is way too embarrassing and not appropriate to say on air, and as a radio professional, I will not bring myself down to this low a level and--

Ow!

What is this...it’s...there’s something written down here...hmm...what is this...saying...hmm...

...Fine. Listeners, the buzzing, shriek-like noise you are hearing right now is Station Management, as they are slowly crawling back to their office on however many appendages they have. And, as indicated by the text engraved on wishbone that was just thrown at the back of my head by them, I have to tell you, my loyal and pure listeners, what I said, lest I risk getting a serious cut in my paycheck, and a serious cut on my abdomen. Or, at least, I think that’s what it said. It was hard to make out. I mean, not to be rude, but was pretty sloppily scribbled onto the wishbone.

Alright. Back with what I was saying, before I stopped saying it. Oh, god, this is just, so bad. I said...in my best Quint impression...

“Hooper, stop playing with yourself.”

Ugh, can you believe I said that? Like, out of all the things I could possibly have said, I chose that? As much as I love Jaws and enjoy dwelling in the tasteful romantic subplot, there’s a time and place. Generally, I hear that term applies to when and where secret government agents are expecting your full documentation of your passing thoughts; that is, a place, and a time. But I think it’s also applicable when you should reference your favorite movies and when you should not. And listeners, that was neither the time nor place. It was absolutely humiliating. I immediately tried to apologize to Carlos for saying something so ridiculous during a moment like that, but, he just laughed. He started laughing kind of softly at first, and then he started laughing hysterically. He fell down onto the floor and starting laughing and he just couldn’t stop. Carlos was wheezing by the time he finally managed to pick himself off of the ground and take a few breaths.

“Carlos,” I said, at the time still very confused, “what...are you...are you...oh my god, I’m so sorry, I probably said something really terrible, didn’t I?”

“Cecil,” said Carlos, smiling that genuine smile he always has, “you didn’t say anything terrible! That was funny! Really funny!”

“How can it be funny, though? It was weird, and--”

And then Carlos stood up, and pulled me into a hug, one of those wonderful hugs he gives me when I feel the way I felt then. And when he pulled away, he said, “Cecil, when you love someone, you can find something wonderful in even the weirdest things. Even spontaneous Jaws references.”

We stayed that way for a few moments more, before Carlos pulled away and stretched, giving me a wonderful view of the body of the perfectly imperfect scientist who is such a wonderful part of my life.

And that is one of the most embarrassing things I did. Bear in mind, listeners, I would not have confessed to that unless the situation was dire enough for it, and it was, in this particular case. It’s not “oh, there goes old Cecil, talking about his personal life on the radio again”, it’s “oh, there goes old Cecil, being forced to compensate for being late for work but in a way that does not involve him losing any body parts, potentially vital ones”. 

I really had no choice.

The lifestyle of the Voice of Night Vale is not easy, listeners. It involves saying things you wish you could not say, and performing tasks that may make you uncomfortable. But in the end, it is a rewarding and wonderful experience that has come to mean so much to me. It is the primary reason why, in addition to my fear of compensation in the forms of exercises such as this one, I try not to be late for work everyday. I enjoy my job, and though it may come with the threat of Station Management's reprimands and the anxiety of being the bearer of bad news, among other things that have no description other than a loud scream. Or, shriek? I think it's a shriek, personally. 

I enjoy my job not because of the influence I have in this little hamlet, nor the benefits that come with it. I enjoy it, listeners, because I know that the words from my voice are reaching your ears. Whether you are clinging to the sound of my voice hoping that it can somehow be lieu for companionship or simply hearing it while driving to the abandoned mine shaft for a detention, I know that you are hearing it. 

I enjoy my job not for its benefits, listeners; I enjoy it for you.

All of the yous that there are, and that there will ever be, or perhaps, will not be, ever. 

Because you, dear individual listener, are listening to my voice and waiting for me to slowly sign off as I say, to you and everyone else who can hear me...

Goodnight, Night Vale.

Goodnight.


End file.
